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Riu Palace Punta Cana

Author: Gpards
Date of Trip: March 2008

I just got back from a company trip to Punta Cana and man was it a disappointment. I will start with a few positives but even these couldn’t compensate for this monstrosity.

The pro’s are simple, beautiful beach, water, weather and an awesome pool area with a swim up bar. I honestly can vouch for the fact that the beach is just about as nice as it gets and as long as your bring your own food, bed, booze, music, card tables, Iodine tablets for the water, and valium for the staff. So on to the cons we go.

For starters if you plan on taking a shower, bring a life jacket to swim back to your bed. Water escapes with reckless abandon. I was later told by a staff member that the marble floors are slightly downward sloping allowing the water to flow down the entire room-genius engineering! Should you be lucky enough to navigate the high seas back to your bed be sure you have a massage scheduled for the morning because you are essentially sleeping on a stone slab with a sheet over it. I actually slept outside on the porch with a makeshift bed a constructed out of couch cushions-true story!

After re-adjusting my back I enjoyed, no wait I’m sorry the food was not even edible. I mean I basically ate french fries for every meal, and some cheese pizza which was worse then ellios. I know it’s a third world country but our company spent 1500 dollars a person for 4 nights and this was the best they could do? Stale bread, soggy fruits and vegetables, sketchy meat, pasta with sauce that was worse then ragu-AWFUL. The restaurants were no better, the “rib-eye” was more like steam-umms, and the italian restaurant had my grandmother turning over in her grave. Order room service though, you will get some tasty uncooked fries, soggy chips, a caesar salad with a single-uncut piece of lettuce with mystery meat on top of it.

It’s okay you can drown your sorrows with watered down beer from dirty, unwashed cups which smell like old saliva. Perhaps you would like a mudslide, made with delicious parmalat and the most bottom of the barrel vodka you can find. Oh the dispensers in the rooms were really cool, I’ve never seen 2 dollar gordons gin flow the way it did. But then again that was watered down too. If you like boxed wine though, you can get that anytime. Have your drink with “purified ice”, it’s fine you wont be on the toilet all week HA!

The club is off the hook. They play all the top hits from 1970, with most of the songs being in spanish. You can shake you groove thing in a roller rink like club which looks and smells like a bowling alley gone bad. My co-workers and I got so excited when they played two hits songs we new, but the vibe was quickly destroyed when the computerized DJ reverted to old records stolen from militant haitians.

Casino looks like something I set up in my garage. Not to mention, they try to cheat you left and right. I had a 19 at blackjack and the deal drew to a 19 as well, and instead of a “push” (draw) he tried to take my money. Until I grabbed him by the wrist and made him count the cards in front of the pit boss who looked real professional with her hooded sweatshirt on.


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